Well, January has brought the new year in with quite the start. For the first time in the 22 years of my life, i spent a New Year's Eve with a guy i was/am "dating." It was nice. Though, i must say i look forward to spending such an evening with my future husband even more.

i'm still job-searching, and i think i've decided for certain i want to stay in the midwest. i toyed with the idea of moving out to the west coast to be closer to certain friends, relatives, and TM. Actually, i started looking for jobs out there. But, i've come realize my motivation for it was (as much as i tried to convince myself otherwise) the fact that TM is out there.

TM. -laughs weakly- i just want his friendship. i guess, i'm really not used to this long-distance not-talking (or e-mailing) for long periods friendship type thing. It kinda hurts, to be honest. i'm also finding it sort of rude; last we talked over a month ago he said he'd review my resume for me. i emailed it to him - no response to this day. i also still want that letter he said he wrote to me the last day or so of my training.

i know he's busy. i know he maybe just doesn't care anymore. But, seriously. No reason to be rude and agree to things and not do them

(*cough*letter*cough*resume*)

*shrugs*

i hate how this phantom letter is hanging over my head.

i'm still "with" K. He's -finally- given me a name, and i am his for now. We'll see how this goes. Where it goes, if it goes.

Seriously, i can't believe it's December 2007. i feel like SO much has happened in 2007 for me that's memorable, moreso than in previous years. The end of 2006 does sort of vie for more attention, but that sort of blends into the start of 2007 anyway... Yes. *sigh* 2007 has been a long year...

i finished my last year of undergrad.
i completed a 6 month internship.
i -finally- broke up with the ex.
Tried many a new (naughty) things.
i spent time traveling for the sake of non-platonic relationships, something i'd never done before.

i learned to love.

i learned that love hurts.

i have faith (however weening it may be) that love is an infinite, if not a renewable, resource.

i -finally- lost 10 lbs after being the same (over)weight since high school/jr high...only to gain 5 lbs back in these past 3 weeks *sigh*.

i'm back to being up and down, after months of some stability in the middle of the year.

Oh, and i've hit a spiritual low.

This will be the first year since i wasn't old enough to work that it'll kick off with me being unemployed and not anticipating returning to school.

*sigh*

All i really want. Like, really, really, REALLY, want is to be married and have a job but mostly focus on meeting my husband's and children's needs.

The age-bug is starting to kick in...you know, the one that bites you and makes you feel like you're behind in life (when in fact we all are free travel at our own pace)

The past two Christmases in a row have been interesting! Last year it was a few days after i had met TM for the first time. This time? Well...

Yesterday, the day after Christmas, i went up to visit K. i overslept and left later than anticipated, and for some reason i thought it'd be better not to call him to let him know i was late and just go late. 'Course, he called to see if i had left yet and i hadn't...45 min after i was supposed to have left...i apologized profusely, and he said we'd talk about it when i got there.

Got there, and we did talk. Time is a big thing for him, rather, punctuality is. Phone calls and arrival. Time for me, has always been flexible and up in the air, so this is a bit of an adjustment i'm working on. But, anyway...punishment ended up being 45 hits, since i was 45 min late in leaving. Originally he was going to count my late arrival time (which would've been an hour and 45 min, considering the hour drive). But, he said that was a bit unreasonable.

He blindfolded me with a new blindfold he bought on our trip out last week, and then tied my wrists with rope to hooks in the ceiling. 45 hits. The first 15-20 were with a ruler. Only the hard hits counted, and i had to count backwards each time. The last 25-30 were with a flogger. It was alright. i didn't care too much for the flogging, it was nice to warm the skin but a tad -too- painful to be enjoyable for me to enjoy when it hit all together (versus "frayed"). But it's good to have something that can be used as an actual punishment vs play punishment.

i did, however, enjoy the new blindfold. It's satin and has a velcro adjustment so that it can put a nice pressure on my eyes -- i can't even open them! i love the darkness and that pressure.

Slightly random post. Just to note progress/experience, i guess.

i've been "home" for two full weeks now. Been spending time job searching, bumming, cooking, cleaning, hanging out with old friends, and spending time with K.

Discovered a fetish club/center with playspace nearby in the city and one almost literally in my backyard! It's nice to be home, for once.

Went to the closer club with K yesterday, well, this past Friday night. His first time at such a place. It was nice. Small, cozy, clean, nice lighting, equipment, and friendly folks. Sorta wish it was a lil bigger/more private rooms/sectioned off areas. But hey, having playspace/equipment nearby for a reasonable fee is plenty to be grateful for. AND the fact that we could check it out for free is awesome, too.

It was nice. So nice. i don't know what i'm doing...

Happy Holidays to one and all, and may you see many, many, more.

It's almost been a full year since i met TM in person. It's been 3 months or so since my training ended. i can't stop thinking about him.

Even when i was busy as crazy at work, i couldn't get him out of my head. When i'm around other people, or out with a guy (hasn't happened much, but still) all i can think about is him.